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I, Kerensky
by Roguebaron |
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Old Connaught, Arc Royal,
Arc Royal Defense Cordon,
September 12, 3058
I had never seen a metropolitan before. And even if I did, I did not remember it. Hogye was a small town, Starport was big, but Old Connaught was huge. I could stretch my neck until the back of my head touched my shoulder blade, and I still could not see the top of the buildings. They were so high I thought they were higher than the clouds. I could wink until my eyes hurt, and I still could not spot the edge of the city. Perhaps if I hopped onto one of the skyscrapers and climbed to the roof, I could see the end. It was that huge.
The journey from Engadine to Outreach was boring. There was nothing we could do except talking and playing cards. Evee taught me this ancient card game called Poker. It was a tricky game, and I was never good at it. And the crews liked to take advantage of that fact. They squeezed me, ganged up on me, took my money, and coerced me to keep playing so they could take more money from me. Spheroids. No wonder Clanners regarded them inferior. They wasted too much of their time.
From Outreach, we hitchhiked a ride to Arc Royal. The mercenary Kell Hounds and Wolves in Exile (that was the name people called Phelan’s Wolves) had a tight bond. They fought together at Morges, shredding the Jade Falcons to pieces during Refusal War. Just as Megi said, we found no trouble going to Arc Royal using one of Kell Hound’s dropship.
Arc Royal, though, was different from Hogye. Most of people here were big. I was big in Engadine, but here I was small compared to people in average. And often I saw things I had never seen before: men and women twice my size. Literally, twice. They were about 3 meters high, easily weighed 200 kilos if not more, and their biceps were much bigger than my thigh. These people were giants. I read some information about Elementals before, men and women bred to man the Elemental suits, but I had never seen them in person. Perhaps I had, but again, I did not remember.
This was what it was like to live in a Clan world.
I did not know what Evee did, but she managed to get us a pass to meet Phelan Ward. I reckoned it would be hard to meet the Khan of Wolf in Exile, but I would not contest that any further. Still, she piqued my curiosity. When I asked, she smiled.
“This is a different Clan than I expected,” she stated. “This Clan isn’t horrendously pompous. They’re kind to mercenaries. I have no comparison, but I heard how Clanners treat us badly. Us, I mean, Spheroids, not you. But here, people are friendly. I guess it’s because Phelan’s background as the heir of the Kell Hounds.”
“Does it change your perspective toward us, Clanners?” I asked.
“They’re OK,” she smirked. “But I still want to kick a Clanner’s ass.”
The elevator brought us to the top of the building, and as soon as the door opened, two Elemental warriors grabbed us and searched us for weapons. They confiscated our guns, then let us through the door. It was a huge room, and I did not know if it was an office or a living room. All kinds of things were piled up everywhere. In the middle of the room stood a man with dark curly hair, about my height but with much less body mass. His conversation partner, a woman with white hair, was about the same size with me although slightly taller.
I looked at them, and I knew immediately that he was Phelan Ward, the Khan of Wolf in Exile. I did not know the woman, but I would guess she was Ranna Kerensky, CO of the 4th Wolf Guard Assault Cluster. He looked at me like he was seeing a ghost, but he quickly regained his composure. He rushed at me, grabbed my arm really tight, and spoke in disbelief, “Darien? You alive? You sonofabitch! Where the hell have you been?”
I choked under Phelan’s verbal assault.
“Phelan, I think something happened to him,” the white-haired woman came and looked at me intensely. “It looks like he did not remember us. We might be talking to a different person.”
Quickly Phelan released his grips and drew his sidearm. The woman whistled, and the two Elementals at the door burst into the room, guns at the ready. The woman drew her gun and shoved it at my temple, while one of the Elementals, a giant woman, pointed her gun at Evee. The white-haired woman took a small box and, keeping her pistol at my head, scanned my eyes with the box. A series of blips rose from the box, and when the woman watched the result, she lowered the gun and tossed the box at Phelan. “It is him.”
Phelan read the box, then waved at the Elementals. The two giants retreated, and Phelan came to me. I was frozen. I did not know what to do, just watched him watched me with his head shaking. “Jesus, Darien! What happened to you? Don’t you remember me? Ranna? Evantha?”
Darien. He kept calling me Darien. I would guess that was my real name: Darien Kerensky.
“I…” my words stuck in my throat. “I did not know what happened. I woke up six months ago in Engadine, oblivious to anything but myself. I did not even remember my name, so people called me Parker. That was the only name I know. I am Parker, a stranger on a foreign land. Then I learnt about myself, little by little. I was a Wolf mechwarrior bearing the name of Kerensky. That is why I am here, because I know you can help me.”
“And you said you settled for Parker?” Ranna shot a mocking smile at me. “You are Darien Kerensky, and your name is the epitome of Wolf’s greatness. How did you assume a name as sissy as Parker?”
“Have you been listening?” Evee growled. “He lost his memory, you ass!”
Ranna looked at Evee in a derogatory stare. “Who is this that you bring to our attention?”
“This is Evee Ridinghood, my closest friend,” I explained. “We saved each other’s life, and she helped me ever since.”
“So you are enjoying the treat of freebirths, quiaff?” Ranna huffed. “Tasting the fruit of their crudeness?”
“She is my friend, and if you still value me as one of your own, I request that you regard her as is,” I quickly interrupted, knowing that Evee was ready to explode. “I did what I did because I was lost. I lost my memory, and I am here to ask for your assistance. Please, enlighten me of whom I once was. I will ask no more.”
Phelan was quiet for the last five minutes, but now he took charge of the situation. “Where should I start, Darien? You lost 27 years, for God sake! You are Darien Kerensky, a ristar in Wolf Clan Alpha Galaxy, born from Kerensky’s sibko in 3031. You were small and weak compared to your sibkins, and the Clan almost flushed you because they thought you differed from typical mechwarrior phenotypes. But they recognized the advanced analytical ability you developed during your early upbringings. Even Natasha Kerensky was impressed.”
“The Natasha Kerensky?” I could not believe what I just heard. “Did I meet Natasha Kerensky?”
“She was your sponsor when you fought for your bloodname,” Ranna explained. “Even in your basic training, you attracted many people. True, you were weak in physique, but your true strength lied in your brainpower. So the Clan trained you to be a military intelligence, ‘games and theory’. The great Natasha personally asked, and bided, for you so that you could be transferred to Thirteen Wolf Guards.
“During the Tukayyid Campaign, you were among the first mechwarriors that was set loose by Natasha to recon Comstar’s force around Brzo and Skupo. Your intelligent data was critical in Natasha’s plan to crush Comstar in a swift, decisive move. When others rest, you worked to shadow Comstar. You always knew that Comstar would counterattack, and your sharp analysis once again helped the Thirteen Wolves to spoil Comstar’s plan. So we were ilClan, the first among Clans, during the Tukayyid Campaign.
“For this success, Natasha sponsored you in the Trial of Bloodright for Kerensky bloodname. It was on your last fight that you got your Executioner, or in your Spheroid tongue, Gladiator. You beat a seasoned mechwarrior and claimed his mech as isorla. You named it Red Baron and from then on, you were inseparable.”
“It was not until the Refusal War that you fought your greatest battle,” Phelan continued. “Somehow Ulric Kerensky predicted that the Wolf Clan would not survive the war, so he transferred all the best warriors to Delta Galaxy under my command, and asked me to leave to Arc Royal. He wanted to preserve the best for the next generation of Wolf Clan, and you were among the selected few. Imagine how furious Natasha was upon hearing Ulric’s decision to transfer you, but Ulric was a wise man with a great vision.
“However, your transfer worked to my advantage. I assigned you and your star to take on the city of Webster in Sudeten. The city was under the siege of Star Colonel Jerome Helmer: a brutal, sadistic warrior of the Jade Falcon. He and his trinary had been pillaging the city like a madman. He was also known for his eagerness to break Clan rules. But because nobody could beat him in Trial of Grievance, the Jade Falcon was sort of letting him be the totem pole of its viciousness, and enjoyed the reputation he brought for the Clan.
“You were outnumbered 3-to-1, but you hung on in Webster for two full weeks, harassing Helmer’s troops, driving him crazy with frustration, without losing a single star mate. In the brink of insanity, Helmer called for a Trail of Possession for Webster. You told me that Helmer cheated. You lost 3 star mates in a duel that supposed to end the struggle. You called the air strike, I sent them, and we never saw Helmer again. I could only hope that the air strike got him, but I doubted if we ever did.
“After Sudeten, we made our jump to Arc Royal. That was the last time I heard from you. You never made it to Arc Royal. Sometimes I thought maybe Helmer had his hands dirty in this event, considering his reputation. But again, I cannot undermine our own security guards. They are the best, and I trust them.”
This was too much. I had been waiting for this since the first day I opened my eyes at Hogye, but I never had the slightest cue of what I was. Five minutes ago I was a vagabond, shifting from one place to another, wondering about the place I could call home. Now I was a ristar in Wolf’s rank with illustrious career and, eventually, a sworn enemy from Jade Falcon. It was not that I did not like everything. Too much information overflowed my mind so much that I thought I was going to throw up.
“However, that part is your past,” Phelan continued after a brief pause. “You are here, and you still have a place in my ranks. This is your home, Darien. You are a trueborn, the finest product of Wolf Clan’s eugenic system. You are a Wolf Clan, bred as a Wolf Clan, trained as a Wolf Clan. Your life is Wolf Clan. Come home, reclaim your great history, and live as you are destined to live: a Wolf Clan mechwarrior. You can take as long as you need to recover. As Khan, I will reinstate your rank. Soon you can resume your duty, and carry the pride of Wolf Clan, as Star Commander Darien Kerensky.”
This should be an easy question. The Wolf Clan was my lineage, so I should have jumped right ahead at the first opportunity. But instead, I hesitated.
Strange.
I should not hesitate. I did not have a reason to hesitate. I was a Kerensky, a Wolf Clan mechwarrior. I had a bloodname that I fought in Trial of Bloodright. I should be proud that my Khan still saw me spotless, after everything that happened to me. After everything I did.
But the fact was… I did hesitate.
“I know you are still tired and confused,” Phelan cued the Elemental guards. “Sleep it off. We will continue our discussion tomorrow.”
I looked at Evee. “What about her?”
“I value her gallantry and contribution to return Wolf Clan’s property, and I will pay her kindness. She can stay for one day, and I will arrange the Kell Hound dropship to take her wherever she wishes to go.”
“Good enough for me,” Evee nodded her approval. “Thank you, Khan Ward.”
I did not know how long I was quiet. I was still quiet when the Elementals escorted me out of Phelan’s room, several floors down, and into a small room. I was quiet when I opened the window, looking at the city of Old Connaught which were flooded by human, vehicles, and mechs. I was quiet when the Elementals left me alone in the room with Evee, and I was still quiet when finally Evee stated the obvious, “Aren’t you supposed to be glad that you finally find your home?”
“It is not that I am not glad to find out about my true self,” I sat on the bed, still looking at the city through the window. “I truly am. You will not have an idea how it was like living without a remembrance of yourself for 6 months. I know who I was now, and for that, I am relieved. It explained everything, why I was so much different than people that I met for the last 6 months. For that, I am glad.
“But the life that I know is the life I lived for the past 6 months. I might be Star Commander Darien Kerensky, but for all I know, I am Parker. I might be Wolf Clan’s trueborn mechwarrior, but I always feel that I am a freebirth… freeborn. I used dishonorable tricks in combat to achieve my goal. I lied, I cheated, I segregated farther and farther away from Clan’s typecast. And the worst part is… I do not feel bad about it anymore.
“I cannot turn away from what I am. I was Wolf’s ristar, a key player in Natasha Kerensky’s unit, a Ulric Kerensky’s handpick to pass Wolf’s best genetics to the next generation. Have you ever thought of what could have been had I not lost in Engadine? I could have been standing in Ranna’s place in Wolf in Exile. I could even have been Phelan’s saKhan. And all these things are still within my reach. I am home. This is my destiny, and coming back to Wolf’s rank will fulfill my destiny.
“But you heard Phelan yourself: I am a property of Wolf Clan. I am worth, but as a property, not as an asset. I am bred to war, and that is what I will do for the rest of my life: to wage war for the glory of Wolf Clan. Clan’s life was one-dimensional. Spheroid’s way of life was more… colorful. I learnt things aside from fighting. I learnt to live, to have a choice, to have a future, to play, to have a hope. You taught me how to be a freeborn. You taught me how to be human.”
I buried my face in my palms. It was the first time I was this confused. My mind was overloaded with doubts. And it was not the question of what I would spend the rest of my life as, a Spheroid or a Clanner, that made my head exploded. It was the question of why I was considering this idea in the first place. As a Wolf Clan mechwarrior, I had everything others could not even dream. Why would I consider things as subtle as being freeborn? Should I not think about it at all?
“I am a daughter of the head of security of House MacGregor in New St. Andrews,” Evee said after a brief lull. “My father gave his life for the sake of MacGregor’s heir during a clash with a rival house. House MacGregor is eternally indebted to Ridinghood family. I’m sure they will accept you if I personally ask them, and they will honor you if they know what you did to me. You are a man of honor. You gave me your word, and you went to hell and back to keep your promise. And you defended me in front of that bitch. Nobody stood up for me the way you did.”
I did not understand what she was doing. She did not make things easier. She confused me. “Evee, you know that I am a Wolf Clan mechwarrior. You know I am Wolf’s property. I do not have a choice. I have to go back to my ranks, because it is who I am. No matter how strongly I want to be human, I am only a property of Wolf Clan. I cannot take your offer.”
“You are a human, Parker,” she looked at me in the eye. “You might be born out of a tube, but you are no less flesh and blood than me. You might be trained not to succumb to your emotions, but you don’t lose them. The fact that you feel hard to leave your life for the last 6 months is the proof. I hate to see you spend the rest of your life being a slave to your Clan. So here it is, my offer to give you to become a real human. New St. Andrews is a far cry from the battle you are destined to excel in. But you’ll get a chance to feel what it’s like to be a human.”
“I cannot do that,” I sighed. “This is what I am.”
“Then this should change your mind.” She leaned over to graze my lips on her soft, moist lips.
I felt divine. I did not have comparison, but it made me freeze and for that instant, the only thing running through my head was how good her lips felt. Never have I felt such a way. I did not even know if I could feel that way. I could not explain it, but the sensation was both tender and raw, sweet but savage at the same time. I felt as if I was losing control, and it scared me to death, so I pulled back.
“Evee,” I stuttered. “What are you doing?”
“A preview,” she smile, hooking up her arms behind my neck, “of what your life would be like if you come with me.”
She pressed her lips to mine again. Her tongue invited itself into my mouth, and her fingers ran through my hair. My brain was screaming at me, ordering me to stop her before everything went out of control. But my hands seemed to have a mind of their own. My arms drew her closer to me, and my palms skimmed the contour of her curves. I heard an encouraging moan escaping her mouth, and I lost all inhibitions. I yielded to my animalistic urge. |
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