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I, Kerensky
by Roguebaron |
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Wolfen, Kell Hound’s Jumpship,
Calafell Recharge Station,
Alarion Province, Lyran Alliance,
November 7, 3058
Despite utter disappointment, Phelan repaired my mech to nominal condition and provided us with a Kell Hound jumpship for an unadulterated flight to New St. Andrews. I could not help feeling regret, and deep in my heart I cursed myself for giving in to my desire. But somehow I knew he would let me go. I knew he knew he lost me the moment I did not fall in when the Delta Galaxy arrived at Arc Royal. And to be honest, I was a replaceable asset; just like any other Wolf mechwarriors. Well, maybe except Ranna.
The journey to Evee’s home world was long, mostly because Wolfen was an old jumpship. It took the Merchant-class ship a month to reach Calafell, and another month to Khon Kaen before we would cross the border to Circinus Federation. The captain mentioned that it was not until March when we reached New St. Andrews, so he asked Evee and I to make ourselves useful. But there were nothing in this old ship that could make us useful.
So we mated. We mated, and we mated some more. There was no day passing without mating.
I had never done this mating ritual before, and even if I did do it prior to my days at Hogye, I did not recall. I guessed the Clan installed this doctrine that my only function as a mechwarrior was to fight. It was hard at first, mostly because everything about this ritual was against my perception as a Clan mechwarrior. But Evee showed me that my limbs, my sensory organs, and even my mind could be used as means of affection. Her skillful coaching and abundant of patience propelled me to become attuned to this ritual. We spent the better part of our days in our chambers, and we went out just to eat. We became objects of lewd comments and jokes for the ship’s crews, but Evee did not seem to mind. I did not mind at all.
But often I was left with disdain and guilt. I felt like a barbarian, giving in to my inner desire. I felt satisfied but vulnerable, divine but mortal. The confusion was nothing like I had ever had, even after Evee’s consolation.
“You don’t have to be confused,” she said while lying on my chest. “This is the natural way to preserve our species and to express our feeling to each other. I know you’re scared, but you’ll enjoy it once you get rid of the confusion.”
“I am not scared,” I rebuked. “I just feel… weak.”
“Ah, you macho Clanner,” she cooed, playing with my nipple. “It’s typical of you. Everything regarding feelings is weak. You’re not being weak, Parker. You’re being human. We are born with feelings, and denying your feelings is the same as denying yourself as a human. Be this your first lesson to be a complete, adult human life: it’s okay to expose your soft side to someone you care, because you trust her.”
“Is it? Then what do you feel about me?”
Her answer did not come promptly. She spent some time breathing on my chest, then she raised her head and looked me in the eye. “You may not understand this now, Parker, but over the past few weeks I’m kind of having a feeling for you. That’s why I did everything I did, because I don’t want to lose you.”
“But Evee, you hate Clanners!”
“True,” her face floated closer to mine. “And thank goodness you’re not one anymore.”
Before I could answer, she pressed her lips on mine. Her touch quickly rejuvenated my spent body. I did not know what was happening to me. Every time she touched my lips, I felt this animalistic euphoria took control of my body, throwing all inhibition and pride as an ex Clan mechwarrior. My mind screamed for me to stop, to have a little dignity, but my body would not listen. I was powerless against my own desire.
But this time, our courtship was interrupted by a series of alarm.
“What the hell is going on?” Evee jerked her head. “Looks like the ship’s having a problem.”
“An attack?” I mused. “Stay here. I will go to the bridge…”
I was just getting up from the bed when the door sprang open. Two giant figures burst into the room, obviously Jade Falcon Elementals, pointing their laser guns at my head. The third one, a medium-built man dressed in Clan’s uniform, marched into the room with extravagant but conceited gait. He swept the room with his eyes, twitching his cheek as if holding up a barf, then latching on to me with utter disgust. The fire in his eyes felt like flaying my naked body, as I stood silly in front of him, naked from head to toe.
He was a Clanner, I was sure of that. His emblem on his shoulder told me that he was a Jade Falcon Star Colonel. He was well into his fifties, and his age could easily be twice as mine. But it was his hate-laden aura that became his prominence. I had never seen such a dire need to mash me under his feet, not even in the eyes of the Viper back in Hogye. Whatever I did to him, it was obviously fatal. And then, it dawned on me. There could be one and only one person that held so much grudge on me.
Jerome Helmer.
“Look at you,” he spited; his voice was full of force. “I spent months tracking you down, sending my best spies all over the Inner Sphere, hoping to finish my unfinished clash with the only Wolf I came to respect. And this is what I have found: Star Commander Darien Kerensky in a brothel, defiling his heritage with a freebirth. I curse my decision to find you, Darien. You do not deserve anything, including life.”
“Who do you think you are, asshole!” Evee burst and reached for her gun.
“Evee, no!” I stepped in front of her, practically blocking her from the Elementals. I remembered what Phelan said about Jerome Helmer: a sadistic, code-breaking mechwarrior that would do anything to get what he wanted. “Your fight is with me, Jerome. Let her go.”
“Or what?” a curt reply escaped Jerome’s lips. “Do you think you are worth a trial? You have nothing that interests me! Even if you think your ‘Kerensky’ gave you an honor bound, you have degraded yourself to a freebirth’s level. Like I said, you do not deserve anything. You die now, and this ship is my isorla.”
My mind was not working, but he did imply that he took control of the ship. It was possible that Jerome had had everybody killed, everybody but Evee and I. I did not care about the others. I cared about Evee. I did not want her to die in the hands of Jerome Helmer. Time was very critical, as I knew that Jerome was serious. I had to find a way to get Evee out of this stupid fight. And since Jerome charged me of dishonor, I would do the same.
“This ship belongs to the Kell Hounds,” I scoffed. “Taking this ship means stealing from Kell Hound’s possession, and provoking open confrontation not only with the Kell Hounds, but also with Wolf in Exile. I do not think Khan Marthe Pryde would like that, since I do not think the Jade Falcon is ready for another Sudeten.”
Actually, I did not remember what happened at Sudeten. Something about the Jade Falcon losing miserably during the Refusal War, as told by Khan Phelan. But fortunately, Jerome did not know that I lost my memory. Whatever it was, he bought my ploy. I could hear his teeth clattered and see his fist clenched, so hard his knuckles turned white. Once again my bluff saved me from untimely death, but would it save Evee’s? I hoped so.
“You want a fight, freebirth? Then you will get your fight! Grab him!”
The two Elemental warriors busted me to the ground, pinned my arms behind my back, then heaved me up, yanking my hair behind. They were almost twice as big as me, so I was completely overpowered. Through the corner of my eyes I saw Jerome snatched Evee’s gun and grabbed her rudely in the arm, ushered her to follow me and the giants toward the mess hall.
Jerome and his soldiers, indeed, took control of the ship. The entire crews of Wolfen were collected at a corner of the mess hall. A couple of them lied on the ground, riddled with bullets. I reckoned these two were the only ones bold enough to stand up against the invaders, but paid it with their lives. Half a dozen Elemental battle armors guarded the room, and they flung bitter stares at me as I was ushered to the center of the room.
“Hold her,” Jerome tossed Evee at an Elemental, who quickly pinned her hands behind her back. She was crying, but she bit her lips to muffle herself, not wanting to give Jerome the satisfaction. I could imagine her horror, realizing that her fate hung on a thin thread, wondering if it would eventually break. And in fact, this was all my fault. I brought this to her, even if I did not do it on purpose.
“Attention! My name is Star Colonel Jerome Helmer of the Jade Falcon,” Jerome removed his clothing. “I motion for Trial of Grievance against formerly Star Commander Darien Kerensky of the Wolf. I bid myself in this trial, so let no one interfere!”
The Falcons quickly made a circle, encompassing me in the middle. Jerome entered the circle, cracking his knuckles while snorting his hatred. He was old, but the muscles in his body were proof that he did keep in shape. I was mistaken if I thought that he was a solahma, although he looked small and old.
“Now attack me, freebirth! Fight or I will kill your coffin mate right in front of you!”
It was clear that his intention was to make me outraged by insulting and threatening Evee. Coffin mate was an obscene expression for two people that grew close together, an unaccepted concept in Clan society. I felt my rage crept from my belly up to my head, but I knew I could not get provoked. I dashed, rocketing my right punch at his face. Jerome flexed his body backward, letting my fist swing millimeters from his face, then slammed his boot into my midst. But I predicted his move. I simply backpedaled, then jerked forward and kicked him in the knee.
“Stravag!” Jerome winced as his right knee sunk into the ground.
I pressed my attack by a wild hook to the head, but Jerome dodged it easily by rolled backward. I tried to follow up with quick jabs, but the marathon sex with Evee an hour ago had taken most of my vitality. I felt sluggish. My feet felt like bricks, and my back was stiff as if was made from glass. My jabs faltered midway, and Jerome smiled in disgust.
I knew I could not initiate the attack. I was not quick enough to hurt Jerome. I had to change my strategy and let him draw the first blood. So I stayed in the middle, facing the Jade Falcon while he circled me like a hungry beast waiting to crush his prey. This went on for a while, until Jerome was bored. His breath fizzed, telling me that he was ready to attack me.
Jerome took a stance and sprung forward with three jabs, one of which sagged me in the abs. It took my breath as I keeled over. Jerome followed up with a roundhouse kick, but I dodged it before launched my answer. One straight punch to his nose and he staggered. I gave him two jabs and a clean straight to tear his lips. Blood and sweat sprayed out. I cocked my right arm and sacked another hard punch to his temple. His knee buckled.
I thought I got him, but clearly I was wrong. Just as I grabbed his hair to kick his face, his elbow slammed into my solar plexus. My world collapsed, enfolded by pitch darkness. I took a step back, breathing through my mouth. Jerome dashed forward and rained down his punishment, left and right hooks to my body, followed by two straights to my head. He scored about a dozen hits, and each punch felt like burning a slab of tendon out of me. I tried my best to block his assault – dodging did not seem to be plausible anymore – but he skewered through my defense every time. I tattered backward, and Jerome used the space to launch his roundhouse kick to my head. I felt my head exploded, and next time I knew, I was lying on the ground, wheezing and gasping for air.
I contorted my muscles to get up, but I was practically done for. My vision was obscured, my knees trembled to support my body. My breath came in short gasps, and I felt thick salty fluid streaked into my mouth. Meanwhile, the Jade Falcon commander snorted restlessly, loitering back and forth like a hungry tiger. His eyes were scorching with rancor, waiting impatiently for me to get ready, and the crowd cheered for him.
“You fought like a freebirth,” he taunted me. “Your disgrace is now complete, Darien.”
“I am not done,” I retorted. “We are not done until one of us die.”
“If that is your wish,” Jerome shot his right fist forward. I churned to the left and blocked his arm, but the force was so great I almost lost my balance. Jerome followed up with his left hand, but I pivoted back, letting the fist swooshed a mere centimeter in front of my chin. The moment Jerome cocked his arms for another attack, I hooked his jaw with my left hand. A loud thud echoed as Jerome staggered, but he quickly regained his balance. My punch was simply too weak for him.
“I will tear you up from limb to limb!” he hissed. “You will beg me to end this fight!”
“Not until I kill you,” I taunted him as he readied his stance for his next move. Jerome hustled to close the gap, and in quick succession, launched his flying kick. I threw my body to the side. He landed on the grated floor, and leapt into the air again. I took the way to the right, but Jerome was one second faster. His boot lodged into my stomach. I felt my gastric fluid was squished out. My entire body levitated for a while, before I crashed down to the floor, flat on my back.
This time, Jerome did not waste any time to revel his work. He charged me and sacked another good kick into my midst. I could feel my mouth stretched in a grimaced as I hunched over, my breath started to intermit. Jerome cocked his left arm and whipped it toward my face. Then he grabbed my right thumb, and with all his might, flipped it backward. The crack echoed through the room, and I felt a shot of pain surged from my hand.
I screamed.
“Oh God, stop!” I heard Evee crying from the edge of the circle, but I knew she could not change anything. Deep inside I just grateful that it was I who had to go through this ordeal, not her. I just hoped that there was still some good inside Jerome, that after he had done with me, he would let her go.
Jerome buried three more punches into my head, rendering me useless on the floor, then grabbed my wrist. He put his boot on my arm pit, his shin under my elbow, and twisted my arm. It felt as if I was struck by a lightning bolt. My hand twitched, and another surge of pain rushed from my elbow to the rest of my body. My vision turned dark, overwhelmed by the sting. I was not sure if I cried out or not. Jerome was literally tearing me up.
“I have waited so long for this moment,” Jerome chuckled. “Too bad you are not the man you used to be, but I must admit this is just as fun. Of course you can make my day by surrendering, and letting yourself be taken as my bondsman. I could spend all day chopping you to pieces, but I think disrobing you from Wolf’s majesty is a better use of my time. So say it, Darien Kerensky. Surrender, or die a slow death!”
Surrender was one of the worst sins in Clan culture. It implied that I was inadequate, and should not be considered as a warrior in the first place. But I saw a way to save Evee and the ship’s crews. Jerome did not seem to put interest in anything except my complete disgrace. By giving him what he wanted, I hoped he would let everybody go.
“On one condition,” I whispered. “You got me, but let everybody go.”
“Still have the fight in you,” Jerome gloated in mockery. “What is it that you value from these freebirths? Have you forgotten who you really are? Your act sickens me, but I guess it was because you are a Wolf. Only a Wolf would value a freebirth more than it should be, like your ancestor Ulric the traitor.”
“Kill me as you please, but you will not hear my yield unless I have your words.” I panted. “You have nothing against these people. Free them.”
And it seemed that Jerome’s quest was not complete until I sank into the lowest abyss of humiliation. He crouched beside my head and said, “Aff. I promise these freebirths will continue their way without a single harm from my force. Now say it, Darien! Say it before I change my mind!”
I did not see any other way to do it. “Aff. I yield to Star Colonel Jerome Helmer of the Jade Falcon.”
Jerome got up, spat on my face, then proclaimed in glory, “Hereby I claim this freebirth my bondsman. He is a traitor to his heritage, and his punishment is eternal humiliation. His words mean nothing to me, but in remembrance of a good mechwarrior that he was once, I will let you go unharmed.”
I could not see anything. My eyes were swollen and obscured by blood. My body did not have any might left to stand up for myself. But I knew I saved everybody. As I was dragged on the floor, I heard Evee calling for me. And it was the last thing I remembered before I was enveloped in darkness. |
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